TechGuyEthan: REID #227
& an important call to action
SHORT:
The front breast pocket of my winter coat has long doubled as a wishing well. A CoinStar full of so much loose change it could stop a bullet. I started tossing quarters and pennies in there a few years ago and have not withdrawn a single coin since.
This has been a perfect choice and caused zero problems for me.
Until late.
MEDIUM:
Recently, for reasons unclear to myself or God, I’ve also started throwing my house keys in the same pocket.
Because coins and keys are both made of the same genetic material, it makes it very hard to tactilely tell the difference between them when I get home.
I am often stuck standing outside my front door for 35-109 business minutes, elbow deep in the fabric/metal hole like “Keys? Nope. Keys? Nope. Just an unusually sharp nickel” until the jingle-jangle of my search wakes up Jess and they open the door like, “just clean it out!!!!!!!”
LONG:
But I can’t. One day a coin will hit the bottom of my wearable wishing well and all my dreams will come true.
Instead, I am calling for a change in key and/or coin material. Perhaps make one of the two fluffy. Or fuzzy. Sandpaper-y, even. So I can tell them apart the second my hand enters the pocket.
And DON’T tell me to just put a keychain or lanyard on my keys.
I want REAL CHANGE.1.
Lmk if you know anyone with the power to make this happen.
[[ Or anything happen. Lol. Trans rights rly goin’ down tha drain, innit2. ]]
Speaking of, it’s been another atrocious week of looking at the internet. I wish the world wide web consisted solely of those nice young nerds on youtube who help me understand why my computer isn't working.
Just people like techguyethan331 going, “first, let’s open terminal — don’t panic, I’ll walk you through it” (I don’t care that I have to turn up my volume to 100 to hear u, king — stay soft-spoken and kind forever <3)
Other tutorial folks on YouTube could stand to take a few notes from the Ethans, btw. Why does every cooking video require me to sit thru a half hour story about how some woman's "Gampee" immigrated from Poland to the US before finally revealing how many degrees I should set the oven to? (Is that rude? For the record, my great-grandfather also immigrated from Poland. I just want to know how long the baked chicken is gonna take to make.)
I don’t really have a Snack Of The Week. Because things have been bleak. Maybe the bodega fries3 I just got. Or the banana bread I tried from Hani’s. I don’t know.
Did this word-salad of a REID edition make you feel happy or more stressed?Comment down below.
& C U Next Tuesday of course
Thank you for subscribing to this newsletter. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not [it’s a lot like when people slip on ice]. If this is your first time reading, pls check out the archives.
Sincerely,
Reid Pope
Bonus Jonas Zone:
No pun intended I am being serious
Can’t stop saying this to everyone in a British accent. A coping mechanism, I suppose.
Plain french fries from bodega
Reiddd this one was particularly inspired [innit?] and I really enjoyed reading one story in three parts. Incredible choices. Incredible read, especially at this dark time. Thank you and keep going. 💕