looney tunes nutsack lemonade: REID #198
look, it's 1am
SHORT:
They should have Watch What Happens Live bartenders on every TV show… I wanna bartend naked on CNN…
MEDIUM:
I am not going to comment on this week’s big event, because I do not want another FBI visit, but I will say, if it was Baron standing there? He wouldda been hit in tha nuts! (don’t worry, I googled Barron’s age and he’s a legal adult — and 6’9 — also my sister told me I “kinda look like him from the side” — so nobody can arrest me).
LONG:
I got hit by a car this week (my version of getting sh*t in the e*r). It came around a corner and then just kinda slowly bulldozed me. I let out a Looney Tunes yelp and ran-in-place at hyper-speed in order to stay upright. When I told my best friend about the ordeal, she laughed so hard she cried.
I’m completely fine— BY THE WAY— but I’m pissed that I didn’t get the driver’s plates… he drove away after making weird, slow contact with me (they never stay when u need ‘em too, am i rite!?).
The saddest part of it all is I wanted to yell “SERIOUSLY!?” after him, but I couldn’t get myself to do it so I just kinda ~imagined~ myself yelling “SERIOUSLY!?” and then walked to a nearby cafe and got a lemonade (drink/Snack Of The Week).
What else…
I went to see Oh Mary on Broadway. It was joyous. Everyone involved is a certified genius. It felt like a larger celebration of the Brooklyn weirdo comedy community in a way that was really special. Austin Butler was inexplicably in attendance and Jess tweeted, “We need a full investigation into why austin butler was at the oh mary premiere” to which a Butler die-hard replied, “To watch the Play? He likes Broadway and he himself has experience doing it”. So true! TFW you, yourself, have experience doing it1.
Richard Simmons died… I wonder if they’ll formally change the lyric that refers to him being alive in Legally Blonde The Musical. Maybe they can change it to “the GHOST of Richard Simmons is our neighbor!” — let the audience picture two little phantom leg warmers movin’ up and down…
Wish I had more to say… my only journal entries this week were:
-Being 28 is great because your life is over but it also has not started
and
-I need to get bonked on the head by divine, marketable, stupidity
I know it may SEEM like I’ve already been bonked, but I haven’t. Not quite yet with the force or by the force for which I yearn.
C U Next Tuesday
Thank you for subscribing to this newsletter. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not – it’s a lot like when people slip on ice. If this is your first time reading, pls check out the archives.
Sincerely,
Reid Pope
Bonus Jonas Zone
me with being a bitch (and watching other people be bitches)