Hello from the MF...
REID #279
SHORT:
Hello from the mucus frontier.
MEDIUM:
I’m writing this with the kind of head cold that makes you question going Mormon. I ordered one of those “IMMUNITY BLAST GINGER TURMERIC ELIXIR FIRE SHOTS” that promises to realign your chakras/credit score and took one sip and immediately had to sit down. If I go Mormon, maybe I can go on that Mormon Wives show and then go on Dancing With The Stars. I’ll wax my whole body, tack my tits back on, and memorize the teachings of Joseph Smith if it means this cold will go away.
LONG:
Speaking of DWTS, Jess and I have been watching Olympic ice dancing (Jess cried during the Canadians’ bronze medal performance), and annoyed the shit out of everyone by continually going: [Dancing With The Stars announcer voice] Dancing the Cha-Cha with her partner, Yugoslavia guy… it’s Yugoslavia girl!
There’s a really tall American couples figure skater who has no hair and Jess put him on the r/bald Reddit1 and all the bald guys are like “Whichever country he’s representing, I’m now a part of!!!”
Other comments include: “I wanna stretch out my hand and shake bruv’s hand.” and “He draws me in with his striking handsome face and he looks so relaxed holding a woman overhead while skating. He’s definitely A+”
They are also debating the ethics of this important upcoming event:
Weigh in below with your thoughts on the event:
What else…
It’s officially my Saturn return. And the Year of the Fire Horse. I don’t really know what either means, but multiple friends have texted me that “huge things are coming.” My grandparents have been together for 60 years. Every Valentine’s Day they go get banana splits together. I cannot visualize my life past 30. No problem. On Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend, Halle Berry casually mentioned she got her third eye opened at a beach meditation retreat at 3am. Maybe I’ll do that. Surely a third eye can help me see… something.
I got three shots in my shoulder yesterday. The doctor said it might help, but she’s “not really sure.” Before she came in, an Italian nurse with a high ponytail asked me questions, and kept going “HUH… that doesn’t add up…” after every answer. — Gotta love medical confidence! Wait… medical confidence. They should invent that. Halle Berry kinda said that’s what the 3rd eye opening thing did to her. She “gives no fucks now”.
Thank you for subscribing to this newsletter. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not (like when ppl slip on ice). If you want, you can also check out the archives.
Sincerely,
Reid Pope
It’s an incredibly wholesome space, I highly recommend checking it out. People posts pics of their bald spots and ask, “is it time?” And the community either responds with: “hold” or this meme:
When ppl do eventually take the plunge and shave their heads, everyone hypes them up in the comments. It will save the world. It is the antidote to Looksmaxxing and Clavicular (two words I learned this year against my will).
Had me laughing out loud!