SHORT:
Really cool to be at a point in my life where I’ve partaken in something called “Chunk Slab” fake meat. As well as “Meati”. I recently told a vegetarian friend to “Grab Life By The Meati”. The old is dying and the new cannot be born; in this interregnum a great variety of morbid symptoms appear.
MEDIUM:
A long-dormant Russian volcano exploded today. Our country is paying for the deaths of millions. Jess is quietly singing “That’s Amore” in the other room. My scary gym has started offering workout classes. I signed up for a 30 minute one tomorrow at 8am called “Stronger Together”. As of right now, I’m the only person registered.
Yesterday, Jess climbed into bed and accidentally kneed their water bottle under the covers. The noise they made was so guttural and unfamiliar that they cried laughing. We tried to recreate the sound for the rest of the night and failed. On Friday, we’ll have been dating for five years.
LONG:
This week has been miraculously dull, which I suppose is good given that I’m about to spend all of August and September flying around the globe for various people’s weddings.
On Wednesday, I went to the Halal place by my house and the guy working offered me a free sample of lentil soup in a plastic cup (Snack Of The Week). It was 90 degrees out, but I slurped it down while he listed off the ingredients. He told me to make my own batch at home. Keep it in the fridge, and eat it cold in the evenings with pita bread on top. “It’s never the wrong time for lentil soup,” he said.
This morning, I typed “dry needling near me” into ZocDoc after a Reddit thread convinced me that’s what I need for the pins-and-needles pain that’s been radiating down my arm into my hand for five years. I don’t love that “dry needling” sounds less like a medical procedure and more like an indie film about premature ejaculation. But it seemed better than the other option in the thread: sleeping on the hardwood floor.
The dry needling place called me three times today and I missed all three calls. When I called back, they were closed. I am still going to show up to the appointment tomorrow and let them know that they’re about to change my life because I’ve decided that my cervical radiculopathy1 is the sole reason I’m always in a bad mood.
Once I fix it, I will become spiritually unbothered, like the woman who hangs out at my local coffee shop and dances around, pretending to shoot all the baristas with her banana gun. She calls herself the Bandit of [Cafe Name].
After some dry pokes, I will have access to that kind of joy. I will become the Bandit Of Chunk Slab and earnestly “Grab Life By The Meati”.
C U Next Tuesday
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Sincerely,
Reid Pope
Yeah I’m The Pitt
I signed up for a 30 minute one tomorrow at 8am called “Stronger Together”. As of right now, I’m the only person registered. - oof this really made me lol today
tearing up a little at medium no problem