Bathroom Code: REID #223
times 3
SHORT:
I passed out
at Bagel Pub
due to the flu
but told them
it was because I love their bagels so much.
MEDIUM:
[I didn’t actually say that. What happened was: I went up to order, felt faint, asked the guy for the bathroom code, and he told me to ask the lady at the register. I said, “I don’t know if I can,” and he said, “What?” So I sat down, muttered “bathroom code” three times like I was casting a spell, and he finally opened the door. I kind of fell through it and onto the ground.
I left with two bagels. Accidentally ate the vegan one meant for Jess. It tasted weird, but I thought, It’s probably just a post-pass-out tastebud thing1. When I got home, Jess was like, “Are you okay?” and then, “Why is only half of my bagel here?” and I was like, “ohhhh because life’s humiliations are never-ending”.]
LONG:
One day before falling ill, I joined the gym down the street. It’s in a kind-of-scary basement. The guy giving the tour said, “I’m not a Christian, but I believe everyone should be treated kindly.2” I replied, “I agree,” which should have been my first clue something was wrong, as I am canonically a villainous c*nt.
Day 1 of the flu transformed me. I became shockingly kind, open-minded, and full of gratitude. I even texted a friend, “The good thing about the flu is it makes it hard to hate, at least at this stage. Tomorrow, I’m sure, hate will come easier.3” Later, I found myself lying in bed, thanking the god I (and my gym guy) don’t believe in for giving me a body that can fight off disease.
By Day 2, the kindness was gone. I opened Instagram, saw one post, and became irrationally furious before slipping back into unconsciousness. Later, I took a gamble on TikTok and stumbled upon this clip that includes the phrase: “Pop off a dam B-handspring before everyone cuts into some lat-kees4” I laughed so hard at the verbiage that it triggered a 35-minute coughing fit.
Since then, I’ve been looking at Jess and going, “Pop off a dam B-handspring before everyone cuts into some lat-kees” at random — an illness Jess claims is worse than the flu (and frankly, terminal). That’s the gamble of the phone for ya… u might see something so dumb it ruins ur day, or so dumb it becomes the highlight of ur week5.
Other things that made me laugh while I sweated through every piece of clothing I own: this video and Katya’s Emilia Perez tweets [x, x].
I also read this article. It’s great and reflects (I think) why stand-up has been feeling so stressful and less fun for me post-covid. Comedy is supposed to be “third thought” and demands a type of meticulous, slow-work that society doesn’t normally reward… but social media demands a never-ending parade of first-thought (or even half-thought) “jokey-prompts” intended to provoke arguments in the comment section.
Now everyone’s playing to win a game where there is no actual winning but a lot of stuff that feels like winning which is scarier and more soul-crushing and way, way worse imho. I hope we go back to the days where open mics weren’t filled with DSLRs and people weren’t afraid to fuck-up and try things and find themselves in basements6.
Snack Of The Week: Toast, it’s all I’ve eaten.
I also did a self-tape with the flu. Enjoy my “full body slate”. I think I am going to book:
C U Next Tuesday
Thank you for subscribing to this newsletter. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not [it’s a lot like when people slip on ice]. If this is your first time reading, pls check out the archives.
Sincerely,
Reid Pope
Bonus Jonas Zone:
I took bio in high school
He also asked if I was a first responder, and I said, “No, I’m a copywriter.” He replied, “Well… someone’s gotta do that.”
Optimism!
It’s at the end of the clip, I promise it’s worth it, I’m sorry it’s Theo Von, but I just… it’s so funny to me
Feel free to use this soul-stirring quote around town! just cite me! (or not, life’s short)
I’ve talked about this a million times in this newsletter, but it’s also why I feel so self-conscious about the existence of this thing itself. People see what you post online and make instant snap-judgments about who you are, what you’re capable of, and whether you’re worth their time or attention. I hope you enjoy this weekly brain dump. But I also hope we can collectively remember that most people posting online can, are, will, and want to do the slow, thoughtful work that requires time to craft, find, build, and grow. Work we’ll inevitably feel more connected to because of the time and care it took.
“So why don’t you just focus on that slow stuff, then?” is a fair and incredible question—one I ask myself constantly. But as the article points out, the quick-fix allure of the internet is incredibly distracting, and the content on it is literally designed to hook and hold you. To get anyone to notice the slow, meaningful work, it feels like you have to lure them in with the quick, first-thought slop. That slop loop is exhausting. By the time I sit down to do the real, slower work, I’m already tired and my creative fuse is short. It’s a vicious cycle.
….Whatever. When I was in bed with the flu I watched a Hollywood roundtable with Demi Moore where she said her middle daughter one time was like, “why would I worry about everything I’m not when I could celebrate everything I am?” and of course that’s now my mantra, thank you DM’s middle D