1 single potato just rolling around: REID #233

I want to be the voice of Cinnabon

Mar 18, 2025

New ep of Going Down comes out this evening^

SHORT:

Handing out copies of The Diaries of Lou Sullivan to every middle schooler who yells "Are you a boy or a woman?" at me while I jog.

MEDIUM:

I would like to create and host Cinnabon’s official podcast.

I will do it for free.

If anyone knows someone high-up (or even low-down) at Cinnabon corporate, please pass this along.

If Cinnabon is secretly linked to some terrible multinational crime syndicate, please do not tell me.

I cannot handle the emotional devastation.

I decided yesterday at 1 a.m. that this podcast will solve all my problems.

And I’m sticking to it

(much like glaze to a bun)

I will call the show Sticky Situations.

If someone copies me before I launch, I will sue them into the ground.

LONG:

Happy belated St. Patrick’s day.

In 5th grade, I dressed up as my Irish great-great grandmother for the elementary school wax museum (stood frozen at a desk with a broom, Windex, and one single potato that kept rolling around and falling on the floor1).

The next year I did a presentation “The Jews Of Ireland’ and called the head rabbi of Cork and he was like, “there’s not much to say… not a lot of us...”

I later found out that most of the Jews in Ireland ended up there because they got too seasick on the boat over to America and had to disembark (classic).

What else?

Oh yeah.

My partner Jess is distressed because they just learned that knees… can, in fact, go over toes.

For years, they were told: do not, under any circumstances, let ur knees go over ur toes! Not when ur lunging. Not when ur squatting. Not even when ur sitting on ur tight little ass! Ur knee better STAY in its LANE.

But today their coworker arrived at the office with a pamphlet from @kneesovertoesguy—an influencer with millions of followers, all thanks to his groundbreaking, paradigm-shifting philosophy of… yeah, you guessed it: knees over toes.

And Jess’s world crumbled.

@kneesovertoesguy claims to strengthen knees, prevent injuries, and unlock peak human performance. And he has a wife. Named Kneesovertoesgirl.

So now, Jess faces a choice: Will they embrace this brave new knee-forward reality and become the first kneesovertoesnonbinarytransgendergayguy?

Or will they cling to the only truth they’ve ever known, knees locked in submission, waiting for something else to change their life?

Only time will tell…

Snack Of The Week is the strawberry-vanilla 3-tier vegan cake2 Jess made before learning about the knee and toe guy.

Movie Of The Week: Paddington In Peru (cried during the emotional climax while eating fried chicken Sandwich — runner up for Snack Of The Week)

Plug Of The Week: As mentioned in the caption of the header photo, the second episode of Going Down comes out this evening!

Second Plug Of The Week: If you live in the Boston area and want to see my short film, it’s playing as part of the 41st Annual Wicked Queer Film Festival on April 6th. Tickets here.

C U Next Tuesday