Sia Net Worth
REID #274
SHORT:
I’m sitting in a desk chair I just assembled, and I’m worried I built it wrong. It feels like at any moment I could hit the floor. This must be how God felt when he invented knees. How’d he know that shit was gonna work?
MEDIUM:
On the way back from getting my blood drawn this week, I was stopped dead in my tracks by a tree that looks like Sia:
I asked her to sing for me, but she said she only does that onstage or at Kathy Griffin’s house.
Come on.
U gotta admit that tree looks exactly like this chica:
LONG:
If you’ve spoken to me in the past 72 hours, you’ve heard about a group of monks who are walking from Texas to Washington, DC1. Hordes of people are coming out to see them as they pass through their towns. It’s like Beatlemania if the Beatles didn’t have hair and did have a dog named Aloka.
The monks are walking for peace.
Unfortunately, a truck hit the van that accompanies them and pushed it into a group of the monks, who had to go to the hospital. One of them didn’t return.
In other countries, monks don’t have to walk barefoot along highways, because they can cut through farms and fields. But in the United States, there’s too much private property. You can’t just wander through someone’s land barefoot in silence. You’ll get shot, sued, or invited onto a podcast.
I really want to see the Monks. I Googled “Monks coming to NYC???”, but alas, they are not. The closest thing I’ve got is a bald white guy who runs through Prospect Park in flip flops every weekend. Might have to go watch him this weekend and see if it brings me even a shred of serenity.
Lord knows I need it!!!
I’ve had such paralysis when it comes to doing anything this week. The fact I built the desk chair is a miracle. I will get my mojo back, tomorrow. I will wake up and remind myself that, in the words of Sia at Kathy Griffin’s house, “I’m unstoppable, I’m a Porsche with no breaks, I’m invincible, I win every single game, I’m so powerful, I don’t need batteries to play.” ← Her net worth is about 30 million dollars, btw. Just looked it up.
I should start writing songs.
‘God inventing knees but being nervous they might not work’ is actually an amazing premise:
“Just built these things that go between quad and shin.
Not sure if they’re gunna end up really workin’
Ugh, Jesus forgot his keys again, I gotta go let him in2
Oh and FYI people, being gay is still a sin.”
Thank you for subscribing to this newsletter. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not (like when ppl slip on ice). If you want, you can also check out the archives.
Sincerely,
Reid Pope
Snack Of The Week: Oreo Cookies & Cream protein drink I bought at the gym that I’m scared to Google because it’ll tell me what the ingredients are and I know I will not recognize a single one
Apparently everyone’s moms have been talking about this for weeks.
Cuz he’s god’s son. And in this scenario they live in the same house. I know that timeline doesn’t quite work, as God invented knees before Jesus came along, but it’s music, it’s poetry, it’s not SUPPOSED to make sense!
Knees really were a gamble