REID #93

Jul 12, 2022

the internet is so good and bad at the same time and i keep wanting to leave it all

SHORT:

“Sometimes I don’t recognize people … in the daylight with their pants on! Heyo!”

— my gay senior citizen pen pal, this week

MEDIUM:

I’ll make this newsletter quick cuz I have full-body hives from antibiotics that I went on to make my skin… better :) I think if you go to the doctor and they say “good god” when they see ur rash… you should get a prize! Like 20 bucks. Or more.

Was it jarring that I just said “bucks” instead of “dollars”? I find, that when someone you’re expecting to say "dollars" says "bucks" instead... it can b rly jarring.

This happened with my dermatologist.

She said “the lotion will be ten bucks” and I really thought she was going to say dollars…

just goes to show …

sometimes life’ll give you bucks and hives when u think it’s gonna give u dollars and angel-baby’s-butt-smooth-perfect epidermis.

Anyway, all jokes aside, I’m frustrated with my skin. It’s one of the few things that sends me back into humiliated sad middle schooler mode where I spin out about how gross I am and want to cry.

I also hate when people say “looks don’t matter”. They shouldn’t. But they do. My blue eyes would’ve saved me in the Holocaust!! I think that MATTERS!!!

“When will Reid stop doing Holocaust humor?” I hear my Jewish mother scream from California.

LONG:

This week, my therapist told me to “come up with a mantra”, so I told him my mantra was “mantra’s do not work” and he laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair.

I still have not figured out what his sense of humor… is. But I guess it’s sort of… that.

The reason my therapist told me to come up with a mantra is because I continue to drone on about how “I’m not rly finding meaning in my craft anymore” (my craft, of course, being performing an original song called “big shit in the woods” in a Crown Heights backyard).

He told me perhaps my mantra should be “I am not doomed”. Little dramatic.

He should stick to therapy. I’m the one who does drama.

Speaking of drama, I saw the new Jurassic movie because my girlfriend loves animals and things that are loud.

I think the dino in the movie chasing the group wasn’t hungry, he’s just a f*g and thinks Laura Dern is slay-queen and wanted her autograph!

^Imagine if that’s who I was as a writer/person.

Maybe it is.

Nobody knows who I am anymore.

And yet I feel like I know myself better than ever before.

How bout THAT?

Anyway, 2 years ago my gf didn’t care about comedy at all really, and then 10 mins into Jurassic movie she leaned over and whispered “who did the punch up on this?” so… it’s official: 🕯 I’ve ruined her life! 🕯

The movie was fine, but, as everyone knows, I like movies where people just talk in kitchens.

I also think there’s rly not enough representation in cinema of when ur on toilet at a cafe or the doctor and the lights turns out to be on a timer and they goes out and ur like nooooo and have to wave ur hands around like a freak to get it to go back on.

Before we saw Jurassic, we went to the Shark Exhibit at The Natural History Museum (big day for the gf to see all her animals and be a freak and for Reid to be like I’m kind of not into this but “luv u!”).

There were no live sharks. Just plastic models and videos. Ultimately, I did learn a lot. About “nature’s most misunderstood animal”.

Maybe they should make an interactive exhibit at The Natural History Museum about trans people. Could help with “understanding” and “learning”. I volunteer to be one of the models. Nude or clothed :)

I think that’s all I’m gonna write about this week because I am SO ITCHY.

As always, sorry that these used to be a lot better/ beautifully written. Read the archives if you’re new/ so inclined/ one of the fancy people who recently subscribed that I’m so scared will read this and be like “jesus christ”.

C U Next Tuesday.

Enjoy this photo from the natural history museum that made me go “totally!”:

Oh also, my gf wore her Jurassic Park t-shirt TO the Jurassic movie and all the Nerd-Men there were like “OH MY GOD I LOVEEEE YOUR SHIRT”, and I was just sitting, eating my Sour Patch Kids, like, “sometimes life and people are so simple”.

Reply to this if, at the end of the day, you think people are simple or complicated.

Okay

NOW

C U Next Tuesday.