REID #91

Jun 28, 2022

SHORT:

It’s 1am, and I just got back from The Jimmy Awards aka The National High School Musical Theatre Awards aka The Best Annual Event In World History.

90 kids belted their hearts out onstage at the theater where they normally do The Lion King on Broadway. I laughed, cried, and ate peanut m&ms.

You could power a whole city with the energy of a high school theatre kid.

MEDIUM:

Upon arriving at The Jimmys, my friend Zach felt he was “under-dressed” for the event and told every single usher on the way into the theater that he felt “under-dressed”.

Before we took our seats, we met one of the nominees’ parents and told them that “their child was going to be a world-famous star”. They were like “really?” and we were like “yes, every kid at this event is god-tier talent and will EGOT by 25” and they were like “who are you?” and we were like “little freaks who come to this every single year” and they were like “alright… well… have a nice life”.

Jokes on them cuz we don’t have lives!!!

But their daughter is going to have an amazing one!!!

LONG:

When it’s Jimmy Awards season… everything becomes about The Jimmys for me…

Last night, my gf and I got home, got in bed, turned off the lights, and I showed her… The George Clooney Jimmy Awards moment.

For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, treat yourself by clicking here.

My girlfriend made me rewind the moment over and over again and was gasping for air laughing.

We will be naming our first child after Sabrina.

I’m going to move on now so that this whole newsletter about The Jimmys. But also? Who Cares! And so what if it IS? HUH? I don’t know…

I’m shirtless eating cold thai food at the wee hours of the morning banging this thing out… it’s gonna be what it’s gonna be… Happy PRIDE. This newsletter was BORN THIS WAY (or whatever).

Speaking of Born This Way, this weekend, my girlfriend and I went to the dyke march and someone hit me in the head with a “Born This Way” flag. She laughed and I was like, “how many more blocks do we have to walk?”

Awesome :)

I have shin splints from marching in Tevas.

Awesome part II :)

There are only a few days left of June, so I thought I’d get my last few “Happy Pride” messages out:

Happy Pride to the 17 queer danish high school students that randomly were the only ppl at my comedy show 1 time.

Happy Pride to Anne Hathaway who has been dressing sooooo lesbian lately. I keep commenting “dyke” on all her photos and I need to stop.

And Happy Pride to Davina from Selling Sunset who has blocked me on Instagram (and who recently got a boob-job according to all my friends who’ve been trying to send me pictures via Instagram but I can’t SEE THEM because I am inexplicably and randomly BLOCKED by the woman).

I had a great birthday and weekend and also found out that I am going to be teaching next semester. I can’t wait to get bullied by 18 year olds next year while teaching them about words and ideas in a class called, yeah, you guessed it: Words And Ideas !! (If any of the Tisch kids are former Jimmy Award Nominees I’m gonna blow my TOP).

Oh also my girlfriend made me an INCREDIBLE cinnamon roll CAKE for my birthday. I’ll attach a picture.

Sorry this was chaotic. I am tired. I am so tired that I just choked and spilled Blue Gatorade that I got from a kiosk in Times Square post-Jimmys (along with a soft pretzel) all over myself.

Whenever I choke alone in my apartment I think about dying and how the people will come in and find me at my desk surrounded by little scraps of paper that say “big honkin’ piece of shit”, “the minion’s r supposed 2 b kernels of corn?”, and other notes I use while doing my world-famous/life-altering/politically biting/not-at-all-embarrassing/actually super important stand-up comedy routine.

Let me know if you have ideas for future newsletters.

Thank you to all the newsletter readers who came up at the dyke march and said hello.

C u next Tuesday.