REID #88

Jun 07, 2022

SHORT:

happy pride month etc.etc. yeah yeah yeah but actually nobody's happier or more proud than my gay senior citizen pen pal who got to hold a banner at the queens pride parade

he reminds me that things can be good and life can be nice/awesome

MEDIUM:

The two photos above this are photos of what will be my last ever Carvel milkshake from the Carvel-Cinnabon down the street.

I caused conflict there tonight, and fear I cannot return without having a panic attack that everyone there hates me and wants me dead.

What happened at the Carvel?

Well. I ordered an Oreo milkshake…

—after doing a comedy show where apparently I seemed miserable because at the end the host was like “………… did u have fun?” I was like “YES!” but because of my stupid hormones, my voice is at a point right now where everything sounds majorly bitchy/ sort of inaudible/not convincing.

Testosterone makes it so nobody can hear what ur saying ever … sort of a slay.

I sound like a fruity darth vader with a pillow over their already masked mouth.

Amazing to transition and still struggle 2 have my voice be heard! I thought people listened to men? (hilarious joke)

Anyway, I went to Carvel and tried to project through my mask and order an Oreo milkshake and the guy miraculously understood me and rung me up.

He then made the shake for me…

and tried to have me pay for it again

so i was like “i already paid”

and he was like “who rung you up?”

and i was like “oh um……………… actually you did”

and he was like “no”

and I was like “actually yeah”

and then the manager was like “if they paid they paid. let them leave."

and I got stressed so I was like “I can pay again if you want. I really like this place.”

and the manager was like NO

and looked at the register history

and then the guy looked at the register history

and saw that i paid

and the other guy was like “oh sorry. my bad have a good night”

and I left and went home and drank the shake so fast that I got ill but then also had some carrots and hummus to try and be “healthy” and balance out the fact that I got the shake after the comedy show when I should’ve just gone home and made a regular dinner.

LONG:

This week I’ve done nothing except go on TikTok (a youth website that makes me feel like Mike in Veep when he wears a fedora and works for BuzzFeed), answer emails, and watch The Hollywood Reporter roundtables.

I wanna be on the nonbinary THR roundtable and just sit in the middle of the table and talk about being onset during the movie I shot this year: front facing camera video about Che Diaz that I made and posted to twitter but then promptly deleted because life’s humiliating enough why do I always demand to add to the humiliation by ~creating content~.

Oh I also watched the award-winning program “The Floor Is Lava”.

And also I went to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens with my gf and her friend from London and my gf saw a rose labeled “carefree beauty” and said “that’s me” (classic joke).

What else…

I watched Fire Island on Hulu and mouthed the words along 2 the opening scene cuz i helped every twink in the tri state film the self tape 4 it — congrats to the guy who booked it!

I did a 10am comedy show for Planned Parenthood pride where I sat in my kitchen and screamed into a laptop, hoping some unhinged thing I said would resonate with people doing good work for our country and world (everyone had cameras off and were on mute).

My therapist said he can’t help me unless I’m “at least curious about having compassion for myself”

And that’s basically what’s going on with ME!

Any questions?

Drop ‘em in the CHAT.

Was this long section shorter than the medium.

Hm.

How about now?

Still?

Well…

I’m queering traditional notions of length.

Cuz it’s PRIDE.

Or whatever.