REID #76
SHORT:
It's so important to get stressed out about gay male events!
Every time I see a gay male event promoted or documented via photography I get stressed out. And that’s good. Not bad. And I refuse to further investigate this.
MEDIUM:
Yesterday I was whining about how I wished I could get myself to care about literally anything.
And today I wish there was a vaccine that helped me not care about things so much.
Awesome!
Life is lived in little mood flips. I guess. Okay! Why not?
Last week I saw photos of C-list celebrities at a very annoying party and lost my mind (because displays opulent clout-chasey shit like that for some reason makes me annoyed and nervous about the state of the world) and I showed the Instagram post to my girlfriend, prefacing it with “this might make you spiral” and she said: “who are these people?”
It was one of the most beautiful, humbling moments of my existence.
Is this boring? My award-winning inner critic is generating a ton of material this week. Congrats to them on being prolific.
A huge part of this newsletter is me talking about how I’m not doing anything but also so busy and tired and doing so much.
Whatever. If Tom Brady can announce that he’s retiring a million times and then make a million “U-Turns” back to football, I can do things like declare that my life sucks and then immediately after declare that my life rocks.
LONG:
I bought this soothing meditation spray, and it says to “focus on what matters most and let the rest fade away”, but it didn’t come with freaking instructions on how to figure out what matters most. So I’m annoyed and finding it impossible to do what the spray is asking me to do.
The only thing that really makes me feel “soothed” rn is Mitch Hedberg (insane sentence, but honey? It’s the truth!). I’ve been listening to his albums while getting ready in the morning.
I also watched clips of him on That 70’s Show and decided it’s one of the best performances of all time. He’s playing himself, but who cares. He’s perfect. It’s perfect. He tells the kids that “he didn’t lose a leg in Vietnam to serve hot dogs to kids” and they’re like “you have both of your legs” and he’s like, “yeah, exactly, I DIDN’T lose a leg in Vietnam”. Genius. Hilarious.
All comedy should be as simple and pure and perfect as this. The world’s too complicated to intentionally make anything else more complicated. If you want jokes that are more complex, c u L8r. If you think wordplay is sad or dumb, bye.
Some ppl have stick so far up their butt I wanna roast ‘em over a fire and turn them into a delicious s’more. Let me scramble words around and laugh.
Onto current events…
I want Kristen Stewart to win an Oscar but unfortunately I’ll have to strangle that little gold statue for getting to be touched by Kristen b4 me.
I tweeted this amazing joke and then worried that the FBI was going to come to my door for tweeting another unhinged thing about a “National Event”.
I’ve decided to live life on the wild side tho…
During the Super Bowl I’m going to tweet about how I’m gonna knife the players because they constantly pass and I don’t.
During the Thanksgiving Day parade I’m going to tweet about how I’m jealous of the balloons because they get to be so high on the tv.
I just walked by a brownstone and looked in the basement window and there was an old man standing and playing the flute. It made me think about my gay senior citizen and how he always says “Tell Jen I say hi” every single week about my gf whose name is Jess.
I am trying to be more specific at this part of the newsletter because I felt like the beginning of this was way too broad and my professors keep telling me that broad is boring and the more specific you are, the more relatable and interesting things are.
Cool!
Speaking of school, they’re telling us to re-write everything so I’ve been doing that. I’ve found that re-writing is an amazing way to doubt everything you’ve ever done in ur entire life and on earth and whether we even exist or if anything is real.
My therapist says that whenever I have to make a decision, I make things harder for myself by spinning around in circles and then dizzily pointing one way and being like, “ok I guess this one”.
My other professor says I’m like a dog who circles their lay-down spot for 5 minutes before actually laying down.
The other day I said “I want to be alone without being lonely” and my therapist screamed DUH, THAT’S MENTAL HEALTH.
So in case anyone was wondering what mental health is. It’s that I guess!
I just re-read this section and I hate it but I also simply don’t have the strength or energy to re-write it.
C u next Tuesday.
Thank you for subscribing. If this is your first time reading the newsletter, read the archives. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not – it’s very much like when people slip on ice.
Sincerely,
Reid
Venmo: @rpope-venmo-26
Donate to The Audre Lorde Project
Also caught in the overthinking/decision making loop and really resonated with how much I hate rewriting and everything it brings up about past me.