SHORT:
Everyone is constantly talking about wanting to “empower change” – but I think change is actually pretty empowered already. That girl is constantly and violently present and doing whatever she wants.
MEDIUM:
This week was really bad for a lot of reasons that I don’t feel like getting into, but it was good because I got to watch Cheer Season 2.
I cooked my Hello Fresh meals (that wrong-ly arrived in non-Vegetarian form, but I was too scared to contact the company to tell them that they wrong-ly arrived in non-Vegetarian form, so I just decided to eat meat for the first time in years) and watched as the straight underdog cheer team hired the gay winning team’s ex-choreographer to make their routine gayer so that they could have a shot at winning in Daytona.
For those who haven’t seen the show, a bunch of junior college kids basically cheer and sweat and throw up a lot into trash cans because it’s so hot in Texas and they give speeches about how “yesterday was tomorrow is now and we must cheer like we’re performing for today’s yesterday now slay yes go Dawgs” — an amazing sentiment that totally can be applied to absolutely anything in life.
Speaking of life, every gay man in the world is pretending that they’re on Selling Sunset and trying to sell me on a Fire Island house for the summer that’s 9000 dollars for 1 night on a couch.
It’s an honor to be invited (I guess), but I’m not sure if I’m willing to shell out the money.
I am tempted to go and film my experience and sell it as a documentary to Netflix.
Ryan Murphy, feel free to contact me if that sounds like something you’d be interested in funding...
… Ryan Murphy — I will get that man to love me — that’s my final conquest…
I want to be his god.
Just kidding. Am I?
I think, in general, I want people to want me because it makes me want me more.
And THAT's low self-esteem and mental illness, baby!
LONG:
After finishing Cheer Season 2, I started up an incredible program called Hype House about millionaire TikTok stars who spend 50k on videos where they explode cars while eating watermelon covered in whipped cream.
I sat, with my eyes and face glued to the screen, as a young white man named “Lil Huddy” explained that he was bullied in school so he dropped out to “take the internet more seriously”. His house looks like The Cheesecake Factory.
Then, a man named “Vinnie” entered. Basically the only difference between Lil Huddy and Vinnie is that one’s brunette and one’s blonde. And also Lil Huddy’s whole thing is he used to date that Charlie Dameelo girl but now he’s ‘focusing on his music’, and Vinnie’s whole thing is he does backflips and looks hot.
I spent the rest of the night spiraling about whether I wish I looked like Lil Huddy or whether actually I wish I looked like Vinnie.
In case you’re having a hard time picturing them, the boys are 18-22 years old and look like a ShawnMendes-Lesbian-Snowboarder-PanicAtTheDisco soup.
In the middle of Hype House, I got a message from my friend Kyle that said, “Btw our therapist is not Lacanian, I asked” – good to know!
I wonder if Vinnie or Lil Huddy are Lacanian. I feel like, thanks to the horror and hell of internet celebrityhood, they’re pretty aware of how subjecthood is an illusion created when an individual is represented by signs/language etc. and that there’s always something about the subject which cannot be properly represented in language.
They also look in the mirror a lot which is soooo Lacan vibes.
Anyway, the major drama on Hype House is that one kid is not posting videos even though he said he would, which financially and broadly hurts the Hype House brand.
Actually a lot of them are “having trouble finding the motivation to post” TikToks even though the reward for posting is literally thousands of dollars.
They’re all straight-ish but look gay and are terrified of being canceled.
There’s also a trans girl named Dragon on it, and I don’t have time to get into her whole deal, but it’s amazing and basically Hype House has better trans representation than LGBTQAndJustLikeThat thanks to Dragon.
Right now I am watching as she teaches the boys in the house how to “Pussy Stunt”. Youth culture is so incredible. Every single day we grow and grow and thrive and slay and the kids make their little videos and the world spins round and round.
Speaking of LGBTQAndJustLikeThat, did we watch this week’s episode?
My girlfriend thinks it’s “chivalrous” that Steve washed his hands before trying to fingerbang Miranda.
I agree. Justice for Steve. I don’t understand why his voice is the way it is, but who cares– Be YOU, Steve!
I keep seeing shirts that say “RELAX” and “BE YOURSELF” and I’m like I’m like oh honey you don't even know how hard i'm trying 2 do that I've literally spent thousands cutting off my tits (and giving myself little hormones that’ve ruined my singing voice — I’m sitting mother effing shiva for my vocal chords this week – Come through. Davening starts at 7. I, of course, will sound horrible during said davening. Because my voice is ruined. If you can’t make it to the shiva, plz send edible arrangements. Despite my voice being shit, I am still very excited for the concert I’m doing on Thursday at 54 Below. We practiced with an accompanist this week and baby? Sometimes a soaring instrumental can b better than Zoloft!)
It’s freezing as hell outside and I can see the umbrella downstairs going HAM in the wind. Time to step outside anyway and do my little life!
If I write a play that I actually like this year, I will kiss god herself on the lips.
C u next Tuesday.
Thank you for subscribing. If this is your first time reading the newsletter, read the archives. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not – it’s very much like when people slip on ice.
Sincerely,
Reid
Venmo: @rpope-venmo-26
Donate to The Audre Lorde Project
BONUS AREA:
I saw Drive My Car this week. It was amazing. Watch it if you can.
Jeff Hiller is the sweetest best thing ever in Somebody Somewhere on HBO.
And now… some images:
ok bye