REID #57
SHORT:
Last week, everyone said my newsletter was hilarious and the best one I’ve ever done, so this one naturally and consequently and unfortunately will not top it. Enjoy!
MEDIUM:
There’s nothing quite like sticking your wet hair into a white beanie to try and have it “dry like Shawn Mendes’s” and then running to midtown (looking like a ping-pong ball) to go see a play written by your professor about a woman (his mother) who was kidnapped and brutally attacked and assaulted for months and then taking your hair out of the beanie and dressing up like Shawn Mendes and going to a Halloween party and acting like you didn’t just see a play about a real life horror story.
LONG:
As alluded 2 above…
My girlfriend and I dressed as Shawn and Camila at the Met Gala for halloween.
When I was in my Shawn costume with my nails painted and 2hundred plastic rings on my fingers, I felt like a punk-rock singer from the early 2000s. Now I’m typing this in a sweater at a cafe and the polish is still on and making me feel incredibly dysphoric. My therapist told me that, “if it’s causing me that much distress, I should just go to Duane Reade and buy nail polish remover and take it off”, but, as we’ve gone over in this newsletter, I’m lazy first, and trans second. I simply cannot get myself to go to Duane Reade. Instead, I will pick at my nails and suffer for the next few days and look like Adam Lambert after he got banned from TV for his erotic AMA performance (remember that?) until it goes away.
Fun Fact: I kind of wanted to spell my name “Reade” but people said it reminded them too much of the famed pharmacy/store so I decided not to.
Anyway, “Camila Cabello Daily” re-posted the photo of me and my gf.
I wish I felt some sort of way about that.
I’m simply too tired and overwhelmed to feel anything, honestly.
Without rest and choice, I am a bottle of apathy.
I start to forget what I actually like doing.
Whine. Whine. Whine.
Etc. Etc. Etc.
I just went to the doctor, and on the way there, a man on the train yelled at all of us but then said he actually wasn’t going to yell at me because I was a lady.
Nice.
When I got to the doctor it turns out they actually don’t take my insurance (despite what it said online) so I left.
Nice-r.
Then I went to NYU and ran off to a class that I thought was rescheduled for today, but it turns out it was not.
Awesome.
I decided to eat an egg salad sandwich and wait for my next class to arrive. The professor got sick and made it a Zoom class so I took the train home.
Awesome-er.
“All the world’s a stage
and all the life’s
a fucked up schedule”
As they say.
Earlier today I went into a bathroom at my favorite Michelin star restaurant (Pret A Manger), and a man exited the bathroom with a mop and a broom and I went in and it was one of the dirtiest bathrooms I’ve ever seen and in my head I bitch-i-ly was like, “Quite simply what did u clean? Cuz it wasn’t this bathroom.”
That’s how I sometimes feel about therapy.
Today I walked out and was like… well all the therapy tools were in there and at work… we had the metaphorical mops and brooms out… but I still feel like… a disgusting bathroom :)
Last week, I told my therapist that I liked his green sweater and he said, “thanks, I made it” and I screamed, “WHAT THE FUCK- IT LOOKS SO GOOD- IM FURIOUS- WHY DON’T I MAKE SWEATERS- I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE A THERAPIST AND YOU TAUGHT YOURSELF TO KNIT FULL-ASS SWEATERS DURING THE PANDEMIC AND THE ACT IS “RELAXING” FOR YOU- I COULDN’T DO THAT EVEN IF I TRIED WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING- YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF NOT WORSE”.
I didn’t actually scream this.
I nodded and quietly went “oh wow, that’s so impressive”.
I wish every fiber of my being wasn’t so tightly wound.
I wish I could crochet or knit myself looser.
I wish I could crochet or knit, period.
Actually no I don’t.
But I want to want that.
I want to want to be a person who wants to do stuff like that.
…
My therapist gave me a hug in the sweater.
It was a weird moment.
But nice of him…
as I was, once again, being hysterical about existing at school and in this world as a weird little freak-boy who everyone thinks is a girl/ “lady” that they can’t yell at.
…
Someone just sent me another list of “comedians you should know” that has a bunch of people I do (personally) know on it. Whenever a list like this comes out, I spiral like a little quarter on a table that dads try to spin to impress/entertain everyone.
I look at pictures and paragraphs about people I know and admire and my stomach gets tight and I feel like someone’s giving me the heimlich. I don’t know why.
I’m proud of everyone on the list for doing amazing things and I literally am 25 and doing my best. I really don’t think the feeling is jealousy. And I don’t think it’s my familiarity with the people that sends me spinning. It’s something else… like I’m running out of time… It feels like I’m going to be late for something. But the feeling makes me turn to stupid stone. Instead of… I dunno, setting me ablaze/ on fire… so that I can run and work to beat said “time” that’s… running out?
Does any of this make sense?
What are some positive things that happened in the last 4 days…
Let me think…
I saw a family dressed as turtles on Halloween and their shells were little baking tins that they painted green and strapped on to their backs.
It was very cute. And innovative.
On Friday I dressed up as butch JoJo Siwa.
Everybody probably already saw all this on my Instagram.
At this point, my tactic as an online citizen is to oversaturate and have such an overwhelming presence that people have to really dig to find the specific thing they’re looking for.
Is that good?
We watched Jennifer’s Body last night and I forgot that it’s a film where Megan Fox does stand up comedy for two hours and eats the occasional torso.
Should I write a play where there’s a greek chorus of boys going “ooooohhhhh” and dabbing any time someone disses someone in the play?
Thought of that this morning.
Could be fun.
I’m letting my brain go wherever it wants today as a treat.
And right now it’s saying, “end this newsletter”
So i’m going to
C u next Tuesday
Thank you for subscribing. If this is your first time reading the newsletter, read the archives. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not – it’s very much like when people slip on ice.
Sincerely,
Reid
Venmo: @rpope-venmo-26
Donate to The Audre Lorde Project
PLUG:
I have been working on this show (directing), and it’s really special. Get tickets if you’re around! https://www.caveat.nyc/event/how-to-be-a-girl-in-three-easy-steps-11-15-2021
Here is my gf in adorable and incredible Kendall Roy outfit she made: