SHORT:
Every six months I get addicted to the five-star cuisine at Pret a Manger, and I’m currently in that era again.
MEDIUM:
I’m at a cafe right now and the woman next to me is wearing sequins. It’s 9am. I have just found out at this very moment that there’s nothing more alarming than seeing someone in sequins at 9am. Are you on your way to a breakfast disco? If not, y r u wearing that at 9am?
I don’t mean to sound pessimistic about women and fashion and sequins and style, I’m actually in quite a good mood today. I just sometimes have strong feelings about things early in the morning. Ask my sister. Or mother. Or father. Or brother. Or college roommates. Or girlfriend.
I did a show last night that went very well. David Cross went up after me and was wearing cargo shorts, and I decided that I’m going to start wearing cargo shorts when I do stand-up. I really think I can rock the look.
I was sort of the most normal person on the show. Which of course means I’m now like… should I get weirder? (*cue my whole family being like “is that even POSSIBLE?” – raucous laughter, tears start flowing b/c they’re laughing so hard, etc. etc.*).
All I’m saying is most people had sound effects/music and one woman had a guy eat shrimp off her eyes.
I just talked.
But in a way that I think people liked.
I think.
Given the feedback.
LONG:
On Saturday, my girlfriend Jessica and I did a huge thing (left the apartment).
We attended a party in Times Square which was fun (but just like, why Times Square? My friend Zachary thinks it’s exciting and hilarious to attend things in midtown, and I always tell him that “the joke of that doesn’t land for me and that’s actually just not my kind of humor” and he has to respect that).
Zachary (who was, in fact, invited) didn’t arrive until later so my gf and I were alone and had tequila something-something drinks and danced (even though we don’t really like tequila… for me it feels like spiders going down my throat, for her… I forget the metaphor but I just know it’s something bad).
For a good while, we were the only people with short hair at the event. There were a lot of girlinas and boybosses schmoozing and checking each other out. We looked at the random books of Russian literature on the walls. It is very liberating to be ugly and in love at an event where you don’t really know anyone. Nothing matters and you can just Irish goodbye at the end of the night and go home and be like “well, that was fun”.
The party was pajama themed and of course me and my gf showed up in our actual pajamas whereas most people wore like… hot pajamas. Lingerie. That sort of thing.
Whatever. We looked amazing on the subway in our dumpy little pants and frump shirts. We are actually making Dump and frump COOL and NORMAL and even hot. We will make the world fall in love with boring dykey dump and frump! We will be the new girlinas! The new boybosses! We will run this TOWN in our shitty little outfits!
I hope you’re absolutely loving this so far. It feels a little “normcore” vibes today (like my performance on last night’s show). But as last night demonstrated to me, sometimes? A little Normcore can go a long way!!! Right?
*cue dump and frump song again*
I’m always so self-conscious about what I write in this damn newsletter. Parents and adults r like “once something is on the internet, it’s there forever.” And I think about that a lot with this, and that’s why I try not to slander people or reveal too many secrets.
That being said, I’m always like, “Ok, if things on the internet are ‘there forever’ then why can’t I (for the life of me!) find that 1 video of me singing wrecking ball a cappella in high school glee club?
As an addendum to this thing, I will say… It makes me very sad when my girlfriend and I call ourselves ugly and compare ourselves to men or straight women.
Whenever it happens and we jokingly do it, there’s a crawling-nausea feeling that moves up my legs, into my stomach, and breaks high in my torso. My throat gets thick, and I feel like I’m going to cry.
I don’t understand why people find men hot, but the minute “we” vaguely resemble men, that’s like… not eroticized.
Then again, I don’t want it to be. Because I get that’s sort of the “power” of it. And sort of the whole point. And it’s sexy to some. Idk. I’m in a weird mood about it all. I guess I’ll go read some Leslie Feinberg and calm the fuck down.
My therapist says that I have 3 layers– performance me, then behind it is shy me, then behind THAT is REAL ME and we have yet to really understand who that is yet and he finds that “exciting” and I’m like, it’d actually be more exciting to me if we hurried up and figured out who that person is so I can live my one precious life in the 3rd layer and not tread water in the 1st or 2nd layers all the time.
The whole thing reminds me of when my brother made a cake in the shape of the earth for his 6th grade science project and each layer was a different cake flavor and the core was… idk something else delicious.
I WANT TO GET TO THE DELICIOUS CORE.
My brother is such a good kid. Hope he’s doing well. He doesn’t rly text or communicate via electronic devices so it’s always impossible to know.
This is why I follow the “Pomona Sagehen Golf” Instagram account where he is every now and again featured and I look at his eyes and think “Does he look ok? Sad? Happy? Interested in his life?”
Yeah, you didn’t KNOW that about me, did you? I am actually an art history/photography scholar/analyst when it comes to the “Pomona Sagehen Golf” Instagram account! Give me a big honkin’ fellowship!
Alright, I’m going back to sleep.
Hope everybody– girlinas, boybosses, dumps, AND frumps– has a good day.
See you next Tuesday.
PROMO:
I mentioned this in a previous newsletter but, I went to see a bunch of senior citizens do stand up a few months ago and they recorded the sets and turned them into a proper comedy special that’s coming out on Peacock. I literally am not affiliated with the project at all, but I want to promote it here because I think it’s going to be amazing. They’re all so damn funny.
The screencap at the top of this is from the trailer. The bucket hat lady is straight up like 90 years old and the special was her first time onstage. I could cry just thinking about it and her.
Jo Firestone is a brilliant comedian and seeing her interact with all the seniors and how much they love her makes me so happy and almost believe in beautiful wholesome good things! :)
Thank you for subscribing. If this is your first time reading the newsletter, read the archives. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not – it’s very much like when people slip on ice.
Sincerely,
Reid
Venmo: @rpope-venmo-26
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