SHORT:
They should make a Barbie movie but about a Rubik’s Cube*.
*but it can’t star Timothee Chalamet. Cuz u know it effing would.
MEDIUM:
I’m feeling ELECTRIC! this week, because I keep interviewing for jobs that want to pay me 1 cent to create 92 social videos that will convert into billions of purchases.
Then I go out to bars and recite the same stand-up jokes I’ve been saying for years and have to make it seem like it’s the first time I’m saying them.
I’m on my hands and knees begging myself to write new material.
I go to cafes, but get distracted.
You should be able to shout "what's everyone doing?" at a coffee shop.
That should be legal.
LONG:
I was re-watching Freaks And Geeks, and someone asks the character Bill why he’s always laughing, and he says: “I watch movies in my head”. I also did this in high school, but the movies were self-penned horrors about what people thought of me.
Will that work onstage? Does that count as a joke?
I’m at a loss…
But I gotta remind myself to stick with standup, because, if things go well, in a few years I’ll get to partner with a nonbinary vodka brand and attend the premiere of Alvin And The Chipmunks 300 as red carpet correspondent!
The only thing getting me through is this moving wall art I saw while getting my blood drawn:
^ My eye has been twitching non-stop for months. I’m excited that to make “perfect sense” one day.
I suppose I’ll move on to Snack Of The Week… a strawberry/tomato bruschetta that Jess and I made FROM SCRATCH. And YEAH, we got the idea from the world-famous television show Queer Eye — be cool about it! It didn’t heal our relationships with our high-powered CEO wives (as promised), but it tasted pretty good.
What else… what else…
Meta came out with “Threads”.
They’ll staff such great writers and report on such awesome wars via that platform! Probably!
The only interesting thing I’ve shared on it so far is the story of how I won a fish at a carnival when I was little and my dad flew home with it on the airplane and it lived for five years and I told everyone about how long it lived and I only just found out that it actually dropped dead in the security x ray machine and my dad just replaced it with one that looked exactly the same when he got home (so if any of your friends are acting a little different after airport security, my dad probably replaced them — hilarious joke!?).
Oh also, someone keeps charging my bank account for Dick’s Sporting Goods boxing gloves (and it’s not me). So if ur the person doing that, and ur reading this? Please, for the love of god, stop.
And with that, I shall C U Next Tuesday
(as always, I promise I have more to offer, I just don’t know what it is)
Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not – it’s a lot like when people slip on ice. If this is your first time reading, check out the archives.
Sincerely,
Reid Pope
Venmo: @rpope-venmo-26
Donate to The Audre Lorde Project
Bonus Jonas Zone:
