SHORT:
The other day, a bird attacked my mom’s head, and now she keeps being like, “it was more painful than u would think… people should talk about that more… how it’s kinda painful when a bird attacks ur head.”
So feel free to talk about that this week. It counts as community service if you do.
MEDIUM:
I am currently in Los Angeles.
This morning — I got a parking ticket.
This evening — a car blew up next to me while I was eating dinner
LA: city of stars?
more like…
LA: city of cars blowin’ up next to you while you eat a poke bowl!
LONG:
I came to CA for my brother’s college graduation. They mentioned 9/11 at the ceremony. They mentioned it at his high school graduation as well. Not sure what’s up with that. My grandfather was seated next to a fellow radiologist during the event (and chatted her up throughout the commencement as her poor son who attended prom the evening prior sat dead-asleep-but-upright in the scorching hot chair next to them).
When the faculty came down the aisle, my mom leaped to her feet (she was the only one who did this). Then she turned to us and was like, “When I walk at graduation (as faculty member)? I do a BIG wave to all the cameras”. We were all like, “that’s awesome”.
The only thing I really learned this trip is that posting an Erewhon smoothie on your IG story is like a Bat-Signal for straight girls from your past to reach out and tell you that they luv that flavor.
(Oh, and I learned that when my brother goes to the dentist, and they ask him how often he flosses, instead of lying? He just looks them in the eyes and just goes, “not often enough”).
Before you judge me for going to Erewhon, please remember that I used to work for a bean-based protein bar company and they sell the bean-based protein there and I had to go make sure that they were… selling it… the right way…*?
*I wanted to try the 20 dollar Hailey Bieber Strawberry Glaze drink. And it was good. Jess and I took synchronized sips in the parking lot and had this exact reaction. And for that reason, the Hailey Bieber Erewhon smoothie is The Snack Of The Week. Never thought you’d read THAT in this newsletter, did ya?
I would also like to take this time to do a shoutout to a man named Chris who works at the Doubletree Pomona. He was so nice. Is it crazy do shoutouts like that in this thing? Whatever! I’m doing it! Chris, I hope you have google alerts on!
I love how hotel rooms like the Doubletree always have ~photography~ on the wall that’s like, “bet you’ve never seen a building from THIS angle before!”
And you’re like “I have.”
And they’re like “what about a flower, but CLOSE UP?”
And you’re like, “yeah I’ve seen that too.”
And they’re like, “what about a photo of THE PAVEMENT. But get this! It has CRACKS in it?”
And you’re like “uh, I guess that’s interesting if it’s pavement from the very city where I’m staying.”
And they’re like, “oh no, it’s not.”
And you’re like, “okay whatever.”
And they’re like, “why are you paying so much attention to the photography in this hotel room anyway?”
And you’re like, “because I’m supposed to be working on my grad school thesis but every time I try to work on it I have a freak out attack.”
And they’re like “oh totally, been there.”
And with that, I leave you.
But first:
Okay,
now I leave you.
C U Next Tuesday when I’m no longer in LA.
Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not – it’s a lot like when people slip on ice. If this is your first time reading, check out the archives.
Sincerely,
Reid Pope
Venmo: @rpope-venmo-26
Donate to The Audre Lorde Project
Bonus Jonas Zone
It really does hurt more than you'd think...A seagull attacked my head on the Brighton Pier years ago. It was in pursuit of my jelly babies. I bear the scars and tremble during Nope.