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Nothing can hurt me!!! I was part of a group Fabletics box order with 6 girls in 2017!!!
Yesterday, I was so hungry that I got off the train a stop early, ran into a supermarket like I was fleeing a pogrom, ordered a deli sandwich, and inhaled it on my walk home. During the inhalation, a haunting tune from the haunting musical Hamilton popped into my head. My brain would not stop going: “if u see me in the street housing a turkey sandwich, deep-throating a turkey sandwich, have pity… I am going through the unimaginable*”.
*The unimaginable being, just… day-to-day life.
I’m currently writing this during the Met Gala, an event that asks the question: what if clothes were so expensive that one single sleeve could solve hundreds of people’s problems, but instead are just worn, photographed, and circulated by millions online with different iterations of the caption “Kweenie” !?
Speaking of Kweenie, I think I am going to crown that supermarket turkey sandwich my “SnackOfTheWeek” ← new segment for those of you who missed last week’s newsletter. It’s SnackOfTheWeek because it was both so pathetic AND delicious. Sometimes the world’s plainest sandwich from the deli counter is actually the perfect meal.
A close second for SnackOfTheWeek was the cinnamon roll I got after learning that I did not, in fact, have Meningitis. I walked into Cinnabon (with my partner, who rarely accompanies me on trips to get rolls), and the man at the counter went, “oh my god, you have a friend”.
I’ve been feeling a bit like a human tangent (as in, the figure from math class that gets really close to something and then never actually arrives at it, not the meandering conversational element). To slay in the face of a gatekeeper, have them crack the gate, beckon you toward it, and then ultimately slam it in ur face? THAT’S the Merriam Webster dictionary definition of amore!
In addition to being demoralized from a slew of rejections, I thought I had Meningitis this week (I don’t, but huge thank you to everyone in my life who convinced me I did!) I had a headache that made it so I couldn’t sit up, see, or move my neck for a couple of days.
Not being able to shake my head no OR nod my head yes, trapped me in an exquisite state of neutrality; unfortunately, as a person whose brain has been broken by stand-up comedy, I read neutral as negative. My system cannot understand something as “good” unless people are hooting and hollering. And if there’s silence? I’m gonna assume the silent party in question wants me burned at the stake.
So… it was a week of … that!
I did a fun interview with my friend-- you should read it and subscribe to his newsletter! It's going to be a really fun project!
And then go read my most popular newsletters as a palate cleanser.
Cuz this one was WhineTown, USA.
C U Next Tuesday
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