SHORT:
Just saw Richard Kind slouching w/ an umbrella at Union Square station
(good omen).
I think if you date Allison Williams, ur gay
(no matter what ur actual deal is).
MEDIUM:
Last week, I hosted a show called Casual Sax at Club Cumming. It went well. My boys played their instruments beautifully, and I banged the crud out of my Bezos drum (tambourine I bought on Amazon).
The only deeply concerning part of the night was hearing about (and then bearing witness to) my straight cis male friend’s “pinky ring”.
If you’ve ever had a cis straight male friend who wears a Tiffany pinky ring to his banking job, let me know. We can start a support group.
LONG:
The Oscars happened.
If you didn’t watch, here’s a recap:
Gaga performed her song dressed like a high school theatre techie (my culture is not ur costume). Tom Cruise didn’t show (because he knew some gal from E! would call him a “short king” on the red carpet). Activia-award winner Jamie Lee Curtis spent the back-half of the night barefoot (she’ll be cast in a Tarantino flick any day now). And Chastain wore her mask the whole time (cuz she has to get back 2 the big doll haus on broadway covid-free).
Also Austin lost. So our household is sitting shiva.
Speaking of, happy belated Purim to my Jewish readers. I forgot it was Purim the other day until 7 Orthodox Jews boarded my train in rainbow sombreros.
Also sorry about Fablemans not winning anything last night. But, as my friend Zach aptly noted, it’s actually sort of a win for the community (since the film was gentile-central).
Before the Oscars, I went to Long Island for my partner’s grandma’s 91st birthday. We played Blokus and discussed the Scottish embargo on Goldfish crackers while my partner’s grandma looked on and repeatedly emphasized that she wished to be asleep. We told her that “her armchair looked comfy” and she said “you know what’s comfier? my bed”. Fair. When I die, I want cinnamon rolls at my funeral and a pic of my face up in the corner of the Flatbush Ave Cinnabon just like that old Jewish guy who has his face up in the corner at Zabar’s.
Anyway, we left Long Island with a bag of Parmesan Goldfish crackers (sry Scots), four loose sausages, and a piece of cake from Saint Honore. And by we I mean me. Since Jess can’t eat any of that shit.
I don’t have a lot else to say.
If you hated this or hate me, blame the teacher who cast me as “the wall” in the Kindergarten humpty dumpty play (root cause of most of my issues). A kid named Gil sat on me while dressed as an egg. I had to carry his weight while holding a laminated brick sign.
Come see me do stand-up-ish stuff at: Littlefield on 3/14, Tiny Cupboard 3/20, Cafe Calaca 3/24, New Women Space 3/24, and Club Cumming on 3/31
C U Next Tuesday.
Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not – it’s a lot like when people slip on ice. If this is your first time reading, check out the archives.
Sincerely,
Reid Pope
Venmo: @rpope-venmo-26
Donate to The Audre Lorde Project
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