SHORT:
I finally watched Tar.
Lydia sounds like she’s been micro-dosing testosterone for 3 months.
Excited for her to experience bottom-growth while she’s in Thailand/exile!
MEDIUM:
It’s freezing in NYC, and every time I walk to the train I whisper “this is fine and I don’t want to die” as my nips fall off.
I finished school and now it’s Winter Break until January 23rd.
Winter Break is a lot like doing yoga — the thought of it is exciting and nice but then you get into it and you’re like wait this is actually kind of boring and painful and not relaxing at all. But I guess it’s… good for me… ?
I’m going to Florida on Thursday for Christmas where my family is the only group of Jews. We clean the house while the Catholic cousins are at church.
In the meantime, I’ve been doing more live comedy stuff.
It’s such a noble thing, to want to make people laugh, and yet I often feel so humiliated in my attempt.
LONG:
In addition to Tar, I also watched Season 2 of Sort Of, Season 3 of South Side, and every frame of every video/interview/film Austin Butler has ever been in. Well, every video EXCEPT the one I want to see MOST OF ALL: his Elvis audition where he woke up in the middle of the night “sobbing with bed-head” and recorded himself singing “Unchained Melody” at the piano in a bathrobe.
My girlfriend really convinced me to drink the Austin Butt Kool Aid, and I did, and I get it. He’s beautiful. He’s talented. I hope he wins the Oscar. He’s already won a free ticket to Reidtown (it never expires and he can use it whennnevverrr he wants).
Speaking of my girlfriend, her Inverse-Dolly-Parton Surgery recovery is going well. Thank you to everyone who checked in. She has to sleep in a little white corset-vest-thing that she fastens herself into each night. I make sure to shout “can’t believe I’m sleeping next to Marie Atoinette!” every single time which she loves and thinks is more and more hilarious every time I say it.
Do we think Cate Blanchett has ever actually engaged in lesbian activity?
Sorry to bounce back to that, but I just remembered it’s something my girlfriend and I disagree on. Reply if you think she’s actually engaged in lewd d*ke behvior or if she just loves being lez onscreen. At this point, it’s so much lez-on-film stuff w/ her that she should either be arrested or given a lifetime achievement award. Maybe arrested and THEN given a lifetime achievement award in prison. Where she can finally try being actually gay.
I had training this morning to be a temp receptionist. Which I’ll be doing in January. I have to be there in a blazer at 8am every morning. We had a 3 hour training to basically learn …. just that information (I actually also learned a lot about the people leading the training because I stalked each of them online to figure out “what their real deal is”. If you’re wearing a tie or a pantsuit, I immediately need to know what you do in your free time/ where you went to college/ how you spent your 20’s/ what city you have been drunk off Bacardi lemonade face-down-ass-up in the club or on the side of the road. I think formal attire is actually MORE distracting and unprofessional to me, because when I see people wearing it/pretending to be put-together, I just think about all the possible scenarios in which they’ve been crazy-nutso/ not put-together. If they just were wearing jeans a t-shirt I’d be like, “okay, that’s a person” and ask them the question I had about the building or bank or wherever I was. Does that make sense?).
I’m gonna go now. I hope to have more exciting things to report in next week’s newsletter.
As always, if you’re new here, feel free to go back and read the archives.
Everyone else, feel free to check out this reel I posted from last night’s stand-up endeavor.
C U Next Tuesday
Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not – it’s very much like when people slip on ice. If this is your first time reading, check out the archives. Feel free to share this with friends/enemies.
Sincerely,
Reid Pope
Venmo: @rpope-venmo-26
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