REID #115

Dec 13, 2022

^ me after accidentally posting a picture of james charles’s bare ass to tiktok and getting banned for 2 weeks

SHORT:

My gay gf with no tits keeps going sicko-mode over videos of Austin Butler.

Should I go blonde?

MEDIUM:

I am chomping on lemon-brussels-sprout-pasta, ass-deep in the comment section of the Martin McDonagh x Taylor Swift “Directors On Directors” interview, and just screamed “stupid b*tch!” at the screen (I’m a feminist!) because Taylor asked Martin about directing on Broadway when he famously doesn’t direct his plays!

(He felt like he had enough creative control in the rehearsal room as a playwright but switched to directing when he started writing movies (because writers in Hollywood have as much say as a corpse)!

^ I say this as if I’ve known it for years and not because I watched last week’s Hollywood Reporter roundtable interview in which he verbalized this verbatim.

But Taylor should’ve known!

Don’t they prep people for these things?!

If they don’t, can that be my job?

I need a job… after grad school ends… lmk if you know anyone hiring in May 2023.

LONG:

Jess is all fired up about Taylor’s foray into the film world as well: “It just makes a mockery of the whole industry! It REALLY hassles my hoff!”

I just pat her back and say “shhh go back to ur Austin Butler videos, love.”

^I’m an amazing partner.

I actually am not with her right now, because I have to write and rehearse 30 minutes of a “solo show” slash “earnest half-hour” that I’m supposed to perform on Wednesday.

I have written zero percent of it!

So, yeah! It’s gonna rock harder than the task Martin McDonagh was presented with (interviewing Taylor, in earnest, about directing).

^To make things very clear, I LOVE Taylor, I just can’t imagine being Martin and having to sit there and talk about making cinema with the girl. At least… yet! Let’s see her feature and such! I promise I’m a feminist, it just really is nuts over chocolate that she’s re-branding herself as an auteur.

^ do y’all remember the nuts over chocolate Luna bar?

See! i’m referencing Luna!

Feminist!

God… the terfs r rly gonna go crazy for the newsletter this week…

Anyway, what else?

White Lotus was fun. If you liked the finale, feel free to peruse any 1 out of 5 of my newsletters in which I detail some gay boat I was trapped on a la Jennifer Coolidge. I was watching the episode like, “okay, if her gay therapist shows up? I’m suing Mike White for plagiarizing my life!!!”

The next season should take place in Eataly.

I’ll be in the background snaggin’ all the free samples of Beet Bread that they always have goin’ on in there <3

I need another job where I can go get free samples of Beet Bread from Eataly on my lunch break… whoever’s gonna employ me in May 2023, keep that in mind!

I’m wrapping this up. If you’re like “what the hell was all that?” maybe go back and read my beautiful musings on the power (and limits) of language from last week.

Or go WAY back and read the one about me working the door of what I thought was going to be my friend’s company’s boring Christmas party and it turned out to be an all-gay (+ deadass Jennifer Coolidge) even where twinks painted candy-cane erections on themselves and Santa had a six pack and rose up from a heart midway through and everyone partied like he’d really been 6-ft-under.

I’m not making this shit up ^

Wish I was!

Shoutout to Isabella who has jumped aboard the Reid Newsletter train.

Everyone reach out to 1 friend this holiday season and recommend the newsletter if you can! I really enjoy doing it, and would love to make as many people’s Tuesday mornings as berserk as possible.

C U Next Tuesday