SHORT:
Just got done doing my favorite activity (eating Indian food while reading scholarly articles about the Holocaust / the malaise of mid-career professors).
MEDIUM:
How was your break? Did y'all go home? Hook up with anyone? To me, hooking up in ur hometown is the same as Ed Sheeran's music -- something about it doesn't feel 'right' about it. With both (if you do end up indulging), you'll likely hear "I'm in love with the shape of you" and realize you should've trusted your gut and abstained.
I didn't go home. I nursed Jess back to health after her surgery and read a book called Zen & The Art Of Stand-Up Comedy (I'll try anything to calm down / feel connected to this dam art form!)
LONG:
Jess's surgery meant making a grand return to the Manhattan Eye, Ear, and Throat hospital! After two long years!
Upon arrival, I found that they still haven't heeded my advice and added "& Boob" to their sign.
They do, however, have a massive sign that said "Soup's Back!" right when you walk in. So I guess... soup's back. Wonder where she went in the first place.
I sat in the MEETH(&B) lobby for 6 hours waiting for Jess 2 be conked, chopped, and brought back to consciousness.
I read 160 pages of my book (send flowers). It's so interesting how, in 1813, books were called Pride and Prejudice and today, books are called R U There God...? It's Me, A Huge BITCH! We're also so dumb and pretending that dumbness is smartness.
I think maybe the only people who are actually smart are surgeons (but then again, most of them cannot wrap their heads around the general concept of 'non-binary' -- tbt to my surgeon whispering "she's fluid" to the med students who were observing my surgery two years ago...).
After reading my book, I watched a little White Lotus and decided I'm just like Lucia (amazing, a whore). Then I scrolled through a bunch of Instagram posts that all said things like: Slay Alert! The step-brother of one of the production assistants on the movie Teens Who Poo and Pee is GAY and JEWISH. Read about him using the link in our bio. I will never click that link. Sorry. Is that mean? Whatever.
MEETH also has SO many Jews that come through for their knee appointments (some of which, partook in the return of the soup at lunchtime -- r u shocked? I'm not).And yeah, I know what you're thinking... KNEE appointments? At MEETH? I know... at this point just make the sign a Skeleton (with tits or scars where tits used to be). Imagine walking down 64th street and BOOM — there's a skeleton with tits. I’d trust that place with my healthcare. For sure.
Isn't everyone basically a skeleton with tits these days anyway? Ella Emhoff... Timothee Chalamet...
After six hours, Jess emerged and we got in an Uber and she yammered the whole way home because she was on oxy. She talks more on drugs than I talk off drugs, which is saying A LOT, remember: talking is my smoking... I’m addicted to it, it makes me feel good, and I'll probably die from it one day.
When we got home, Jess popped on the 2013 One Direction documentary and told me it was "going to change my life" -- still waitin' for the change! Maybe it has a delayed onset! The movie was called One Direction: This Is Us and... it was... them! That's for sure!
We also watched Good Will Hunting (it was my first time seeing it -- cue every boy in my graduate program having conniption and angrily shooting Red Sox tickets out their assholes). I thoroughly enjoyed the film, but also, there's no way those two bozos wrote it by themselves. If they did, I am going to dump myself into the Boston Harbor tea-style, no party involved.
Alright, this newsletter was like my week: long and stupid.
Shoutout to my friend's friend Allie who apparently just started reading this!
Thanks for making it to the end!
C U Next Tuesday.
Sincerely,
Reid
Venmo: @rpope-venmo-26
Donate to The Audre Lorde Project
Bonus Jonas Zone:
"they're fluid"...well honey, I'm a *gas!* :D
Hello I'm so sorry, my name is Adam and I am not a standup comedian