REID #105

Oct 04, 2022

pic of me doin’ standup but it looks like i’m singin'g “close every door” from joseph

SHORT:

Shoutout to my student who didn’t proofread so their whole paper said “tragic herpes” instead of “tragic hero”.

MEDIUM:

I miss the girls who used to get 63rd 64th 65th and 66th place out of 66 with me at The Junior Olympic Diving Zone E Championships. Every year we’d move up or down one spot. But it was the same crew.

One of them just got into grad school (saw on fb). Congrats girl! Knew you’d do big things! You don’t consistently hurl yourself off cliffs into water every year as a teen to be given a 66th place pat-on-the-back and go on to do… nothing!

… Right… ?!

^ Imagine that last bit spilling from my mouth in a half-scream-half-choke as I white-knuckle the shreds of my hopes and dreams!!

Don’t ask me what my hopes and dreams actually are. I don’t know! They’re shreds! not whole, actual things I can stare at and actually interpret! (yet)

I keep violently texting people about “how I feel like I have something something big BREWING in me, but I have no idea what it is, how to access it, or what form it should/will take when I do finally manage to discern and unearth it.

I walk around all day feeling like I’m about to explode from a pent-up… something (probably a fart, it’s really easy to confuse a forthcoming fart with a sense of potential).

LONG:

I would like to conduct a scientific study that examines why finance guys (and honestly most men in general) speak as though someone is punching them, repeatedly, in the stomach (but they barrel through, trying to pretend like it’s not happening).

^Do people know what I mean by this?

I’m on the train, and there are two guys next to me having the loudest, out-of-breath conversation punctuated with jerks-of-the-diaphragm.

Hope they’re okay!

They’re probably not.

But then again, are any of us?

^Here I go again…

I’m gunna be honest… I don’t have a ton of material for ya’ll this week. There’s not a lot going on in my life rn, so, like most people who don’t have a lot going on, I’ve stooped to finance boys.

^zing.

^i’m KIDDING

^imagine i send this out and immediately get sniped by the most popular girl at City Vineyard

^People who don’t live in NYC are like WHAT is Reid TaLkInG ABouT?

Look, I have a lot of friends who “swam” in college.

I don’t know why I put swam in quotes.

They really did swim.

And now?

They swim in finance guy d*ck.

The point is, they’ve dragged me to some pretty heterosexual establishments where I’ve had the pleasure of being talked-at by men in vests who make more than I ever will.

Okay I’m done.

Mom and grandma, pretend that word above says duck^

Finance guys famously own big duck-shaped pools that girls love to swim in.

I’m having a meltdown, I must go to sleep.

So sad that I always leave this thing til the last minute.

This newsletter is an Aristotelian drama, and I’m the tragic herpes.

(Just kidding, this newsletter is WAY heavier on diegesis than mimesis so it’s more Plato vibes than Aristotle but ur not ready to have THAT conversation!!!)

diegesis is like narrator/retelling vibes and mimesis is like offering/presenting vibes

plato thinks emo art makes people weak and aristotle thinks it makes people healthy b/c it prompts catharsis

do u feel CATHARSIS after reading this???????

even tho it’s diegesis-y??

does this newsletter make ur fear and pity come to a climax? (heyo!)

did u know that the word catharsis comes from catamenia which is a medical term for the evacuation of reproductive material from ur body

alright,

calm down Reid

time to shut ur eyes

mhm

1am

love that