NEVERTHELESS SHE PERSISTEE: REID #167

Hippos, Bill Gates, Whores, & Ice Cream Cake

Dec 12, 2023

holiday card i made to send to send to ur homo friends

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SHORT:

Well, it’s here: the season in which stores blare music about children’s unrelenting desire to receive hippopotamuses for Christmas.

MEDIUM:

I’ve been going going going non-stop this week, and yet, can’t think of a single thing to write home about (“home”, of course, being the 750 individual locations where each of you currently reside… I imagine u all would gladly welcome me into ur abodes since I come across so normal and not at all mentally ill in this thing every week… it’s so great to have 750 homes, I feel like Bill Gates*/Taylor Swift*/Oprah Winfrey*).

*except ideally less evil, which I assume they all are? in some way? at that level?

every time i try to separate art from the artist they sneak back together and resume their terrible behavior

i’m tired of it

LONG:

Balaklava weather has arrived right on time, as I’m at the part of puberty where I look fckd up in the face 🙏 (rite of passage). And I don’t mean pimple-wise. I mean shape-wise. You know when you look at a middle schooler/high schooler and you’re like… u don’t look right… ? That’s where I’m at… AND I’M FINE WITH IT! …until I’m not (usually after seeing a radical photo of me onstage at a comedy event)

“Neevrrheless she persistee!!!!”

— me about me doing stand-up comedy, an art-form that feels so good and then so bad and then so good on a loop.

What else… what else…

I’m doing a “trial week” at a job (which makes me feel like a lawyer! even tho it’s copywriting and not related to the judiciary system at all and just kinda means if they don’t like me after these few days they don’t have to hire me but if they do like me then i finally have found employment after six months of screaming about my “greatest accomplishments” and “biggest weaknesses” into a computer). The people are genuinely nice and cool so chorus-line-god-i-hope-i-get-it etc. etc.

We’re gearing up to shoot another Late Stage Live with Ella Yurman this Thursday, so subscribe to our YouTube channel and socials to see the next ep. I got to roast Ella tonight for her bday, which was fun. I can’t type all of the jokes out here, but I will reaffirm that I cannot WAIT for her to get bottom surgery next year, cuz she deserves genitalia that matches her personality (huge p*ssy).

Last month she injured her toe and booked herself a hotel room to recover so I’m curious if for bottom surgery she’ll rent out the Taj Mahal or Buckingham Palace.

I wrote a joke for Ella that she now uses as her stand-up closer, and I feel about the same way people who have s*x with her feel: eh, whatever — good to do charity work every now and then.

Kidding! I love you Ella! You’re the kindest, sweetest, funniest person* I’ve ever met!

*whore

Okay! I’m done!

Snack Of The Week was the Carvel ice cream cake we had at Ella’s roast. Fudge and crunchies… simple, delicious, perfect. No notes.

(By the way, I just read this detailed article about Tom Carvel and how he most likely invented soft-serve [but also Dairy Queen claims they did]. Carvel also started the Carvel College Of Ice Cream Knowledge or: Sundae School, has the Guinness World Record for world’s largest ice cream cake ever made, coined the phrase “buy one, get one free”, and was allegedly murdered by his former associates. Didn’t think you were gonna learn about all THAT after 3 paragraphs of me calling my friend a whore, did ya? This newsletter has everything!)

C U Next Tuesday