SHORT:
I’ve been getting fancy smoothies at this place in the West Village.
Yesterday, I read the label on one of the to-go drinks and was like, “ok when did a Dandelion go from something that you blow on to something that’s in a 10 dollar drink?”
Times are a changin’ … next thing you know they’re gonna be selling birthday candle juice...
MEDIUM/LONG:
I used to voluntarily take ice baths and now I can’t even sit outside for two minutes without being annoyed by “the wind” (cue the painted ponies, carousel of life song).
This week I sat at a park (in the wind, annoyed) and listened to a ballerina book a job over the phone. I was like “wait… why not me?” Despite the fact that I cannot dance and do not wish to ever seriously dance in front of an audience ever.
I spent the rest of the day having an anxiety attack about how I’ll never amount to anything. My worries need to go to summer school because they are dumb.
I looked at photos of people doing cool things on social media and felt worse. Everyday I say I’m going to go off social media and then everyday something happens like Tom Brady posting a deranged “day in my life” TikTok and I’m like, “well I simply can’t miss THIS!”
Whenever I look at photos of people achieving things and feel bad about myself, I think “this must be how Mona Lisa’s friends felt when they looked at the Mona Lisa....” Should I commission a painting of myself and sneak it into the MoMa to feel better? Just kidding. A painting of me belongs in the Met because I’m a classiccccc beauty. Kidding again. I famously don’t love what I look like.
Anyway, to feel better, I engaged in one of my favorite activities: walking around SoHo and looking at huge billboards of stunning femme models with words like “Stuart Weitzman” under them and going “huh, wow, Stuart looks amazing these days...” and then laughing because I’m so hilarious.
MEDIUM/LONG:
Tonight I am going to see Godzilla vs. Kong.
I don’t really care about movies where big animals fight. My favorite movies are ones where two people fight in a kitchen and then one of them drives away.
But my girlfriend is obsessed with Godzilla vs. Kong. Honestly, her love for those two creatures is so strong it borders on beastiality. The republicans were right about gays… it’s a slippery slope...
I’m jokingggggg!!!
(It’s not a slope at all, it's just a chute. Straight down to hell).
Being gay is just a very boring hell (IMO). You can try to have fun with tropes, embrace them, avoid them. Everything is flaming but it’s also like, who cares… Satan’s just there like “hey what’s up? you figure out anything interesting to do yet? 69ing doesn’t count, that’s old news. Bores me to tears.”
What even is interesting anymore ?
Gay- heard of it
Trans- heard of it
Non-binary- heard of it
Depressed - heard of it
Anyway, I’ll let you know how the Godzilla movie is.
Who knows? Maybe the two creatures will decide to do the high school play…
Maybe Kong and a Laurie-Metcalf-like character will fight in a dressing room…
Maybe it ends on a dramatic inhale… god I love movies like that…
My gay senior citizen pen pal “Ric” says that I should “Rocky Horror” it (be drunk, dress up like Godzilla, stand in front of the screen and act the whole thing out). I probably won’t do that, but I love the thought.
Ric says he also likes movies where two people argue in a kitchen.
But he says he likes when they argue and then one of them KILLS the other and THEN drives away…
To each their own.
Thank you for reading! Apologies for any type-o’s. I canonically write this the night before I send it out. Wanna read older newsletters? Sad essays? Funny jokes? It’s different every week, baby! Click here for the archive.
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-Meg
Social- @megspope@mpopetweets
Venmo- @mpope-venmo-26
Website- meganpopework.com
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