SHORT:
Yesterday my computer screen turned pink and grey, so I had the honor and privilege of going to the SoHo Apple Store at 9am.
I am currently using a loaner that I will be returning in five days. I am typing as if each key is made of little glass kittens that I cannot break or kill. Otherwise I will owe Mr. Apple 2,000+ dollars.
The little dependency-holes we’ve dug ourselves into r so awesome!!!
MEDIUM:
This week I Zoomed into my family Seder from the line to get my second COVID vaccination. Most of my family called in from Los Angeles where they sat, 6 ft. apart at different tables, each staring into their own computer screen as if they were miles away. I got stabbed right as my grandpa led the family in a rousing, pixelated and poorly-connected Dayenu. The volunteer who stabbed me handed me my twice-signed vaccination card and said “now you can go clubbing.”
The next day I felt like I had been clubbed. I ordered chocolate chip pancakes and watched Arrested Development in bed for nine hours. I would not recommend doing this (even though it sounds awesome), because I woke up and, as you know, my computer screen was pink and grey. Perhaps the pink-and-grey screen was Jessica Walter trying to call out to me from the grave. Perhaps it was Michael Cera telling me that, in the right lighting and in the right hoodie, I look a lot like him. Or, perhaps, it was what the genius at the genius bar told me: “a simple wear and tear issue”.
They should serve drinks at the Genius Bar. Clients and Geniuses would leave in a much better mood.
LONG:
In 5th grade, a kid (let’s call him Zach) came up behind one of my friends and cut her ponytail clean off. I watched it happen in slow motion– she was typing on the classroom computer. He walked up with a pair of purple sharp-ones. Snip. The hair hit the floor. She turned. Everyone freaked out.
I’m not sure why I think about this moment so often. Maybe just because it was so destructive and random.
I’m not a destructive person, but I’m not a careful person either. I don’t organize my digital files into folders. I put everything in the dryer like a sick bitch. I have a calendar, but it’s a deranged-looking Google Document that has sometimes-highlighted tasks thrown under different days of the week (the highlight colors mean nothing, there is no key or science to it). Friends have begged me to change-up my scheduling ways– one look at “Cal” (what I lovingly call the document) sends them into a hysterical lil frenzy.
Right now I have all fluids– coffee, water, Purell, etc.– sitting across the room. They’re usually on my desk, but not around this temporary and fragile baby piece of whirring Apple metal. Even now, I’m worried I’ll be moved to film a TikTok, make some drastic sexual movement, and cause the water-coffee-Purell to go flying across the room and roast/toast/fry the loaner.
Again, this CAUTION/ANXIETY would make it seem that I’m an incredibly organized, type-A, thoughtful person. And YET, anyone who knows me, knows that I roll up to events disheveled. Sometimes on time, sometimes early, but always as if I just flew in on a gust of chaotic wind.
I never clean out the bottom of my backpack. It’s filled with random shit. I spent years and years throwing myself off large structures at diving practice. I am scared of blood and needles. I got straight A’s in college. I meet deadlines. I never clean my computer. I’m not type-A but I’m not type-keep-your-room-dirty-and-let-things-pile-up. I kind of wish I was one or the other. Maybe one day I will be a person who can calmly sit and enjoy building Ikea furniture. Right now, even the thought of reading the first page of an instruction manual is nauseating.
Anyway, the ponytail. I sometimes make decisions like The Snip. And I’m trying to make more of them. They’re cathartic, quick, and finite. Sure, the ponytail example is not the best example (it’s mean/bad/wrong/funny/chaotic to chop someone’s hair off), but it’s also a decisive act. I think the reason I float in between being a person who takes things out of the washer before they get wrecked and someone who doesn’t wash dishes is because I waffle a lot. If I’m not waffling in place, I’m waffling on-the-move– speeding along and doing things without fully committing. This is a classic case of waffling disguising itself as not waffling.
Zach didn’t waffle. He just (for some god forsaken reason) chopped this person’s hair off. So watch your ponytails, cuz here I come! Just kidding. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Every goddamn day I’m trying to redefine myself or set a goal that “will change everything”.
A few months ago, an astrologer said that “My Debut” will occur this year. I guess I am just trying to figure out what the heck that means. Can I just chill out and let The Big Debut come to me? Or should I keep throwing all these big random deranged goals at the wall and see what sticks? It’s probably a hellish mixture of both. Alwayssss is. Lol.
Anyway, sorry I used the word waffle a lot in this thing. This is the first week in a long while where I didn’t purchase Eggo waffles at the store, and I guess I’m having withdrawals with symptoms that are choosing to present themselves in this way.
Have a great Passover to all who celebrate, and if my Apple Genius Bar guy is reading this? See you on Saturday.
Thank you for reading! Apologies for any type-o’s. I canonically write this the night before I send it out. Wanna read older newsletters? Sad essays? Funny jokes? It’s different every week, baby! Click here for the archive.
You can still fill out this survey with your thoughts, questions, topics you want me to write about, etc!
-Meg
Social- @megspope@mpopetweets
Venmo- @mpope-venmo-26
Website- meganpopework.com
Donate to The Audre Lorde Project
NEWS:
Ep 1 is here: WATCH VOICE LESSONS w/ Larry Owens (it’s on Twitter and IG too)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QC5nm2rPy4
