JLAW TITS OUT ON THE BEACH IN THE MOOONLIGHT: REID #157

My gay-seeming friend Ryan is getting skewered in the comments of a Tubi ad...

Oct 03, 2023

SHORT:

This week, I watched the delightful movie No Hard Feelings starring Jennifer Lawrence and Jimmy-Award-winner Andrew Barth Feldman.

The film contains a scene in which JLaw runs down the beach, fully-naked, in the moonlight to get her clothes back from a group of teens.

She beats the living sh*t out of them as her bazongas fly — glittering and luminescent — under the Montauk night-sky.

That is how I am approaching October.

MEDIUM:

We watched the J-Law film during the great flood of Brooklyn (Friday), a terrifying event that, thankfully, did not damage our apartment, but did result in the cancellation of my long-awaited and much-needed haircut. My era of looking like Keith Gill (the GameStop guy who crashed wall-street), continues! Here’s hoping I amass the same psycho flavor of internet followers! And get subpoenaed by Congress! (I wanna meet AOC).

Speaking of the internet, I’ve just about had it with the thing. On Saturday, I got a google alert that a guy named Reid Pope died at 93. Freaked out for a second that it was me. I was like, “WAIT… I don’t remember being a teen during the liberation of Auschwitz…”

Right as I typed that sentence, I shit you not, the cafe I’m at started playing “Edelweiss”. Wherever you go there you are! God works in mysterious — and unhelpful — ways! Instead of playing a bizarre, well-timed song from The Sound Of Music, howbout get me a job, Yaweh…

LONG:

But really, it feels bad to be online.

Every time I see a post about a friend, distant acquaintance, or someone with a similar height-and-build, I convince myself that all the creative work I’ve done since I was a teen has been for nothing and I should just give up.

On what? You may ask. Everything! Of course!

What do I mean by “everything”? You ask AGAIN.

I don’t know! It’s a vague, hot, scary, annoying, terrible feeling, not an actual specific nuanced fact-plan-actual-thing-that-makes-sense! It’s intangible. But feels concrete and weighty. Like the damn internet itself. [insert famous quote about form and content being inextricable]

No matter how much I beg myself to have an abundance mentality, it’s hard. And I get embarrassed about the fact that I’m incapable of maintaining one.

But that self-berating is OVER! Because it’s Run-down-the-beach-soaking-wet-and-screaming-with-your-tits-out-like-Jennifer-Lawrence-in-a-movie-that-flopped-at-the-box-office-but-was-actually-good Season™️!

If you can’t find inspiration in my confusing Jennifer Lawrence reference, find strength in my friend Ryan who’s thriving despite getting skewered in the comments of this Tubi ad that he made:

He’s not actually gay he’s just gay-SEEMING! People NEED to learn the difference! I love my gay-seeming friend! [that being said, I am secretly the person who commented “Nice moobs” and made 6 other accounts to like my own comment]

Anyway…

Comment below if you have a gay-seeming friend who’s not actually gay!

Let’s add them to the flag!

C U Next Tuesday