BULL THAT HAS TO PEE IN THE DARK: REID #161
Happy Halloween, this person keeps sending 1 million decorative dishes to our house...
SHORT:
Happy Halloween.
As you can see in the photo above, Jess and I went as Beetlejuice & Lauren Boebert.
MEDIUM:
Halloween is a fantastic holiday for genderqueer people because everyone’s either leaning into gender HARD (Barbie) or messing with it (the bike that Joe Biden fell off of).
Next year I plan to dress as the unofficial mascots of the non-binary community: exhausted Bostonian housewives with butch haircuts and ratty t-shirts that say “Red Sox” in rhinestones.
If you open the dictionary and flip to “non-binary” it should really show a pic of those gals.
LONG:
We’ve been living in our apartment now for a few months, and everything is going great, but somebody keeps sending us packages filled with tiny decorative dishes (it’s Jess, my partner, they have a problem).
Every single day— ding dong! — it’s miniature dish with a cat on it, miniature dish with a ghost on it… and they’re placed on the counter… on the bureau… on the tv stand…
I feel like a bull in a china shop. Which is fine! Until the bull in the china shop has to get up to pee at 3am and can’t see anything and the whole house is rattling like… A BULL IS FEELING HIS WAY THROUGH A DARK CHINA SHOP!!!
I’m starting to think Jess knows something that I don’t…
Is our house going to spring 350 little leaks in the ceiling? So we’re laying out bowls to catch the water?
Is the government about to ban regular, human-sized dish-ware so we’re stocking up on the next best alternative for when there’s a COVID-esque mad dash to the tiny decorative dish aisle?
Are we having a couple hundred mice over for Thanksgiving dinner*?
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
*if so, whichever mouse gets the cat dish is gonna be pissed
I also think it’s hilarious that Jess purchases these small dishes, because Jess is the clumsiest person I’ve ever met. Every morning, the kitchen is a clatter-fest — a symphony of sorts (if just the cymbalist showed up) (and kept dropping the cymbals).
One day Jess is gonna drop a regular-sized dish and it’s gonna hit a tiny bowl which will hit another tiny bowl and then roll out the door down the stairs and hit a package filled with other tiny bowls and I will laugh (so I don’t cry!).
Comment below if you’re the bull or the shallow decorative dish supplier in your relationship (spiritually or actually).
C U Next Tuesday
Thank you for subscribing. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not – it’s a lot like when people slip on ice. If this is your first time reading, check out the archives.
Sincerely,
Reid Pope
Bonus Jonas Zone:
I posted another instagram reel to try and feel something if u wanna make it blast off to 1 million likes
My snack of the week is the yearning queer newsletter bb: Meg
This made me giggle very loudly at 6:30 am. love that. love your work, saving up to hire you for web design help!